Exploring Gender and Violence in the Media

I saw Crazy Stupid Love recently. For those of you who don’t know, the main plot followed Steve Carell’s character, devastated by his divorce from Julianne Moore’s character and helped in getting over her by Ryan Gosling’s. The other major plot followed Ryan Gosling’s character falling in love with Emma Stone’s character and ending his play-boy ways. There was one more storyline however, that made me go “what the fuck?”

Steve Carell’s son was in love with his baby-sitter (who in turn was in love with Steve Carell). The son was extremely persistent in his pursuit of the girl. Even after she made it clear that he was making her uncomfortable, which he admitted to recognizing, he continued to harass her. He sent her texts, publicly declared his love for her at school, and said outright that he would continue despite her feelings. His father encouraged him to never give up on love.

There is a line between being persistent and harassing someone. Never giving up on love can be a romantic notion, if you’re into that sort of thing, but pursuing someone who not only has no interest in you but has expressed that they are uncomfortable with your actions is in no way romantic. That is not love, that is harassment.

Since my post on “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” I have seen a few posts from other sources (including Feminist Frequency) on the same song and/or other sexist holiday music.

Over at Feministe, author Caperton decided to go past simply pointing out problematic lyrics and take it one step further—by re-writing the song.

It’s a peppy little tune, though, so I thought I’d throw in a few new lyrics to clean it up, show a little respect, ensure her safe return home, and make a somewhat happier winter season for those of us who actually listen to song lyrics.

I really can’t stay.
Baby, it’s cold outside
I’ve got to go ‘way.
Baby, it’s cold outside
The evening has been…
Been hoping that you’d drop in
… so very nice.
The sidewalk’s slick with all that ice.
My mother will start to worry.
Look at those snowflakes flurry.
My father will be pacing the floor.
I’ve got a jacket next to the door.
So really I’d better scurry.
The hood is all nice and furry.
Well, maybe just a half a drink more.
I’ll call you a cab while you pour.

The neighbors might think.
Baby, it’s bad out there.
Say, what’s in this drink?
It’s actually just a pinch of chili powder. You wouldn’t think it would work, but it does.
I wish I knew how…
The cab is on its way now.
… to break this spell.
You can borrow my hat as well.
I ought to say no, no, no sir.
Look, the cab’s getting closer.
At least I’m gonna say that I tried.
It’s on me–I’ll pay for your ride.
I really can’t stay.
Wish you could hold out.
Damn, it is cold outside.

Sure, it only makes two verses–because it shouldn’t take a note more than that to get her safely in a cab on her way home. In my head, though, they get together for coffee the next day so she can return his hat and his jacket, and things go swimmingly, in part because she feels comfortable with a guy who’s already demonstrated that he respects her boundaries and in part because his coat smells so good. Really, that helps.

http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/12/23/maybe-youre-better-off-outside/

Thank you, Caperton, and Merry Christmas everyone!

In the recent two-part webisode of Doctor Who, the long-running British sci-fi series, the Doctor and his companions, Amy Pond and Rory Williams, are almost stuck in a “space loop” forever as their time and space machine, the TARDIS, materializes inside itself (just go with it).

This mini episode is a very silly story that was created to raise money for Comic Relief rather than to move the plot forward very much. Just because it is meant to be funny doesn’t mean that no one is taking anything away from it, though.

The reason they are all in danger of being stuck forever is because Rory dropped a thermo-coupling (thermal-coupling?) and that somehow ruined everything (again, just go with it).

Rory asserts that it was Amy’s fault and Amy agrees with him. When the Doctor asks how it could be Amy’s fault, Amy responds with: “Because it was my skirt, and my husband, and your glass floor.” (as pictured above)

While this is completely played for laughs, the danger they are all in is blamed not on Rory dropping the whatchamacallit but on Amy being a distraction to her husband, who of course cannot possibly control his actions when presented with his wife in a short skirt.

Rory also brings up the fact that she supposedly passed her driving test because she was wearing that same short skirt and the driving instructor “never saw her drive.”

At the end of the episode, the Doctor says, “Okay, we’re back in normal flight, the TARDIS is no longer inside itself, a localized time field is no longer about to implode, and rip a hole in all causality, but just in case, Pond, put some trousers on.”

This idea that it is Amy’s responsibility to control men’s reactions to her, that she cannot wear what she wants to wear, feeds into victim-blaming and the idea that men cannot control their urges. In this case, no, Amy was not a victim of a sexual assault, but the potential time field implosion that would rip a hole in all causality was blamed on her choice to wear a skirt that morning.

Spotlight: Speaking of Bitch Magazine, “Bitch Media’s mission is to provide and encourage an engaged, thoughtful feminist response to mainstream media and popular culture.” And isn’t that why we’re all here? If you liked Anita Sarkeesian’s Feminist Frequency from my last spotlight, you’ll like Bitch Magazine. Sarkeesian’s “Tropes vs. Women” series was commissioned by Bitch Magazine and is featured on their website.

Bitch Magazine covers everything from popular music (like in my last post about the She & Him’s Gender-Swapped “Baby It’s Cold Outside” article) to behind the scenes issues (like the controversy surrounding Lowe’s pulling their ads from “All American Muslim”) to the marketing aimed at young girls to female representation on television.

As their website says, “Feminism is the Landscape, Bitch Media is the Lens.” Check it out, they have something for everyone.

Even holiday gift-buying guides!

Happy Holidays! In the spirit of the holiday season, this post is not about a television show, but about a Christmas carol!

Bitch Magazine posted an article recently by Kelsey Wallace titled “B-Sides: Is She and Him’s Gender-Swapped “Baby It’s Cold Outside” Less Date Rape-y Than the Original?” (http://bitchmagazine.org/post/b-sides-she-him-baby-its-cold-outside-date-rape-feminist-music)

I don’t know about you, but I had never listened closely enough to “Baby It’s Cold Outside” (any version, whether it was She & Him’s, Glee’s cover, the original, or others) to catch all the creepy, particularly the line “what’s in this drink?”

Maybe it’s just me, but the song is so cute and catchy that I wanted it to be explain-able, so I could continue to listen to it without feeling ick. Some other readers of the article felt the same way. Some commenters pointed out that the “mouse” part (apparently the original song labeled the two parts “wolf” and “mouse”) clearly wanted to stay but was reluctant because of what other people would think.

Unfortunately, even if this wasn’t a date rape scenario, with the “wolf” drugging the “mouse’s” drink (one commenter proposed that maybe the drink was just really strong. um. ok?), the song still teaches listeners that saying no really means yes. This is a damaging message to send, even with the woman singing the “wolf” part.

To She & Him, to anyone covering someone else’s music, and to anyone listening to music, Christmas carols or not, please be aware of what you are singing or singing along to. If you still like the song, great, keep it in your playlist. But just because the tune is catchy, the singer has a great voice, or the song has been playing every Christmas since 1937, does not mean the message it sends can be ignored.

Pay attention to what you are listening to.

I love the BBC series Misfits, about a group of young men and women serving community service sentences who get struck by lightning and acquire super powers. Typical, right?

Unfortunately, I am continually disgusted by Nathan and his pseudo-replacement, Rudy. The point of their characters is, I take it, to be shocking, offensive, and gross. For some reason, they manage to attract women to them despite their horrific behavior.

However, I was very pleased by a recent episode (well I don’t know if pleased is quite the right word) in which Rudy gets a super-powered STD from a one-night stand and thinks he has to sleep with the girl who gave it to him to cure it. He and Simon go back to the house where he had met the girl at a party and find her sleeping.

Reluctant to speak to her, Rudy asks, “Do I need to wake her up? Is that bit important?…can I just slip it in there and give her a little sleepy-fuck?”

Simon: “That’s rape.”

Rudy: “Is it?”

Simon: “Yes!”

Rudy: “…that is a grey area, dude.”

Simon: “No it isn’t!”

I was concerned that they would skirt around the issue, as Rudy seems to get away with a lot of crude and offensive behavior, so I am glad that they had Simon say in no uncertain terms that yes, sex with an unconscious person who cannot consent is rape.